HOME B.A.S.E.

Where is HOME?

As we roll further down the hill/hump of this week, I want to invite you to my “porch” to participate in discussion, follow along, ask questions, even offer feedback, but most importantly to tell you about the next workshop “An Awakening” January 21 t 22 in Los Angeles, California.

What is HOME B.A.S.E.?

HOME B.A.S.E. is a devised project where I am exploring Albert Einstein’s Theory of Relativity to discover how the multiple disciplines I have studied, when united, are a force field that allow me to create the change I want to see in my world.

Why HOME B.A.S.E.?

By sharing my process through observations, research, notes, discussion, experiences, and workshops created, I hope to engage and challenge you to explore a creative destination of your own, where the process of living through the arts is a life-time philosophy – “What I Create is: Where, How, and When I Live.”

HOME is What You Make it.

I invite you to join.

Lean Forward

Discussion: “Body Mind Mastery: Creating Success In Sport and Life” by Dan Millman

Up for a read, discussion, and/or response? Join in!

“Body Mind Mastery: Creating Success In Sport and Life” by Dan Millman

I believe the body is the foundation to my HOME. By building my foundation through balance, flexibility, and exercise, I am also improving my potential for personal success. A year after a snow boarding accident, resulting in a bulging disc in my lower back with little to no insurance, I was given this book to read while taking a class at Arizona State University. The title alone caught my eye.

The content of this book, story of Mr. Millman’s career, his recovery, understanding of the body in life, and drive toward personal success has kept this book an arms reach away. Also, the writer of “The Peaceful Warrior,” Dan Millman has inspired me, and many others, to realize “as long as I am living, it is not the end of the road.”

As I read this book again, I will comment on each chapter. I invite you to read it with me and share your thoughts or comments. I hope you enjoy.

“An Awakening” January 21 t 22 Los Angeles California

“An Awakening” ventures on the quest for Balance and Amplification. Strike the most effective, positive, and progressive chord with every step and word. With stillness of the mind open peace in chaos and move past it. Be the change you want to see in the world confidently. Take responsibility and make your mark.

Three sessions are offered in a progressive order to bring awareness and spark the connection to our full potential.

Starting with awakening the body, then connecting the body with the mind through text, and lastly moving to the waters of Santa Monica Beach to release in song by candle light; a Creative Weekend Revival followed with a community potluck!

For details, and price information, any questions, comments, or thoughts you may have, email hometobase@gmail.com

There are group discounts of 4 or more. Ticket sales begin Friday January 6th, 2011 with Early Registration ending on January 19th. Limited spots available! https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/217512

You can participate from your house!

HOME is Where You Make it!

Lean Forward Find Your Flow   Come HOME!

Almost Through to the Other Side

T

Standing still…

I get to the next line, I’m waiting, and there is a girl behind me who is shouting unintelligible phrases and pretending to spit – that’s what it sounded like. I checked my arm to see if it was me she spit on. Then I look at the guy who she was with calmly continuing some sort of conversation with her. They had been else where doing “elsewhere things.”

Crawling nearer

For a moment I was staring because I was listening to the music that was this conversation. A mix o f Charlie Brown’s Teacher,  Screamo, with Jerry Springer, and a techno beat courtesy DJ Basement.

Standing

This was happening.

Tuuurrning

The kerfuffle that was the front of this line was interesting too. With three people in front of me I heard, “five dollars!” A sign for me to leave? But I had come too far. “I was invited,” I thought. I stayed in line.

Standing

The Door Man’s “happy” was ruined by his obligation to do business. Another Fellow made it worse when he attempted to come back in stumbling.

Standing

Door Man: “You can’t leave and them come back in. You have to wait in line.”
My thoughts [“Yeah!” That’s right tell him.”]
Fellow: I just left! (stumble) My friends are inside -”
“Ok but you have to wait in line, there’s other people waiting in line. I -”
[“Wow! He’s really calm. Dude get in line this will go by faster.”]
“You don’t remember me?! I just left!”
[“Do You remember You?! Will you?”]
“Um, I don’t remember you at all. I’ve seen three-hundred people and I don’t remember all of them. I told you not to leave when you came in. Get in line please.”
[“Battle over!”]
Standing

[“Wait, he’s going for it! Someone get him!" ]
Door Man: “You are not coming in here right now. I ‘m going to ask you to leave.”
[“He’s so calm; slurring his speech a bit but calm.”]
Standing still…

Meanwhile, the music behind me turns into a bit of grunge hip hop as she pokes me, while saying to her friend, “He’s Black!” Then to me, “Do something! (gesturing) Throw dem bows!”
I took wise advice from the Door Man, smiled and stayed calm. In those situations the thought, “Should I discipline you?” comes to mind but in this moment I turned and laughed because the music was right. I just wanted this Fellow to “get out of my way!”

Jumping

I didn’t have any cash and didn’t plan to stay long – an hour is what I told myself, so the sooner I knew whether or not I could get in, the happier I would be.

Tottering

Eventually a Huge Bouncer appeared with sunglasses on, at night, and posted up. The Fellow’s friends came to his rescue, but did not go far; the Huge Bouncer was still there standing.

An amazing dance was occurring!

Jumping Squatting Jumping

The three became four in front of me, paid and then it was my turn, but before I could reach the table, Mr. Fellow tripped on the table-cloth and knocked The Door Man’s drink behind the money-box over.  The Fellow was upset and cursed at the table-cloth; comments were made to the Door Man about how it was the table cloths fault, “It shouldn’t be there!,” as I remained calm and proceeded to the front of the line
Stepping

“Hi, I -”
“Five dollars.”
“I was invited by Goddess with Us.”
“Let me look for your name on the list. What is it?”
“Toussaint”
[“Don’t you remember me? I’ve been in your house before."]
“I have the text message from Goddess with Us -”
“Five dollars!

Door Man: “What’s your name?!”
“Toussaint.”
“Yeah you told me that!”
[“Why aren’t you taking your own advice that I enjoyed so well?” ]
“Before you were trying to tell me something (gibberish)-”
[“He just dropped a twenty on the ground. I could use that to get in and make fifteen dollars!

or

“You dropped a twenty-dollar bill on the ground.” Door Man: “Thanks. Go in.”

Jumping

Honesty and Clarity

Walking

I hadn’t prepared myself for what I was walking into. How could I? Because some people were from school, I had a feeling it would be a little crazy, I remember myself, but tonight I was remaining content with thoughts of my “Ferris Wheel and not driving under any influence.

Standing bouncing

It was cool! Backyard, video projections, DJ in the basement, sections outside were made by hanging sheets. A nice outside club. A Speak Easy; very easy.

Walking further in…

Lean Forward

Into The Rabbit Hole

T

Flying in…

Bringing a smile to my face was the memory of the Ferris Wheel, so, in my conversations with myself about heading to this party I argued “There’s just going to be more debauchery and temptation. Why put your self in another “Christmas Cookie” situation!?

Sitting

Friday December 30^th, 2011
I had a drum lesson and was early. Warming up in the hallway, kneeling with my drum pad resting over the mouth of the trash can outside of the door in the hallway, “Top Stomp,” my beautiful private lesson teacher invited me in. She was in a recording session with “The Man with The Tin” so, with twenty minutes till my lesson, I sat behind them at a drum set in the room. New person in a space I’m familiar with between “Top Stomp” and myself; these are tight quarters. “Who dominates or has more claim…?” Really? Was I thinking this? All of a sudden he offered me a “Christmas Cookie” in a tin. Caught up with my own thoughts I accept the tin. “Oh boy! A Cookie!” I take my first bite and as it is melting in my mouth and  I’m looking at the milk chocolate Hershey’s kisses placed in the center I remember “I’M FASTING! How could I do this to my self?!”

Jumping Flying Running  Sitting Crawling Flying Standing Sitting Falling -

Quietly I decide whether to spit it out or finish what I started. “Impolite and weird to spit it out, where would I spit it out behind a drum set in a closed room while someone is recording I’m in the corner! Heelll-” Intertesting to think all of these thoughts are recorded but will never be heard.

Sitting

I swallow. Then comes the BIG decision: “What do I do with this gorgeous, bitten into, un-returnable cookie? No napkin, no container, certainly not my pocket.

Standing

This is why I held the tin for so long before picking the cookie up – I said “This is the last cookie, you sure?” Sign!?!

Lying Down

I ate it – Hershey’s kiss first. “Suga Suga Suga Suga Rocking Everywhea! Suga Suga Suga Suga Rocking Everywhea! Rockin Everywhea I found you Christmas Cooookie, Pick you up and throw you on to da street.”

All week long! Temptatation. I was worried about my process through this drum lesson. I was falling and I had to catch my self. That cookie was on my mind and in my body. I wanted to call The Man with The Tin out his name, “Thanks Tin Man!” All I could think about was, “What is this cookie going to do to my body? I haven’t had processed sugar or anything all week.”

Sitting…Crawling

After three hours of contemplation and prayer, I forgave my self. I acknowledged how easy it is to forget or lose sight of my intentions in the presence of others, especially those who are kind – enough to offer me sugar. “smh.” I asked myself what can I buy to remind me of my intentions, of God, my purpose in life? Would a white bracelet do, a tattoo on my finger, a ring?

Walking

I laughed because that is exactly what I am working against with HOME B.A.S.E. There is nothing outside of me that can heal me, fix my pain, or make me comfortable with me. I choose not to fake it because when you do encounter someone sincere, the connection is dropped, missed, and it is the very thing I ask for and seek – to be connected. I have learned and felt a strong connection to my spirit, soul, and  the universe when I pray, meditate, write, or love unconditionally (definitely a vinyasa). Besides, I am a collector; I do not scavenge.

Kneeling

Years ago, I found two beautiful rocks who I call Erma Jean and Peter. These rocks have been with me since I was a teenager and represent my maternal grandmother and my paternal grandfather who both passed. These rocks will never fade or break. While on the beach I found a shell that I picked up. It wasn’t until later that I thought “Why don’t I make a necklace with the three of them?” My Pearls. The Power is within Me, not some fancy gimmick of the year that leaves me unhappy and wanting more sugar.

Flying again

So it was a challenge to my self – not thinking about dodging the cops. Although I had downed a bottle and a half of water and ate all that food!, I’m not a great scientist or mathematician about alcohol levels and period of time between the last drink, nor did I want to be hit by any of the crazy drivers who were swerving behind and around me. Hmm, I forgot to mention DWC or DWB at 1AM. No gooders.

Sitting

Half a glass of champagne a  n  d  a bi t ter si p ov wine…? DWC on NYD at 1AM.

Tip-Toe….c r a w ling

I made it safely to “Goddess with Us’s” house. Found a great parking spot right across the street. I knew it was somewhat crazy because there was a bouncer and an ID door man in front. But, at least we were safe. Right? “No underage drinking here, Thank you.”

And, I’m in!

Jumping

From the gate towards the side entrance, which I had never been through before,  Moe, Larry, and Curly were stumbling on their decisions preventing me from a clear path down what seemed like a disco rabbit hole foaming with slurred and scratched music. Perhaps comparable to a bad mashup of Dubstep and Chopped and Screwed. 
“I’m nautious for you.”

Standing

Eventually, Baby Curly released his gas and moved out of the way.

Walking

I get to the side of the house and realize I’m in the next line. And, I’m waiting..

Sit
Lean Forward

Standing

A Flâneur

copyright 2010 Toussaint JeanLouis, Feldstaerke International 2010

A Flâneur

When you flâner, how aware of your surroundings are you? Do you notice the music and colors of your environment?

The next time you take a stroll see how many details you remember when you are home. Write down your journey from start to finish. How detailed are you? To start, maybe you bring a camera, sketch pad, or journal with you. As you continue this practice, try to go without tools.

This exercise will help you to notice how present you are in your day-to-day experiences and improve your memory. Who knows, you may have a best-selling short story, animation, picture book, or song written in no time!

Also see  Dérive .

Here’s an example: Know Thy Self.

Lean Forward

The Clock Struck Twelve NYD

T

 …Leaning Forward

Flying

After this I was looking to get to a Starbucks where I could use a solid internet connection. The Starbucks I planned on going to was closed. Then to Hollywood’s Cafe Muse. Closed. The one thing I wanted to complete all day long was a post and my website which I have yet to work on again. Deadlines!

Sitting

Patience and Understanding. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to put the post out there. Maybe I was supposed to go to the apartment, which I had been avoiding, and finish writing it first and then send it? That’s what I did.

Jumping

Eventually, just before/at midnight I made it to the first party I was invited to by “The Songstress.” As I walked into the door I heard “Happy New Year!”

Standing

Caught in the doorway alone. I was afraid of mistletoe midnight. A relief.

Walking

It was nice to see friendly faces but I could have been alone some place I felt comfortable – the beach or my car. I was thankful, but at this point nothing could top the feeling I just had. I was with what The Songstress called “The Bourgeouis.” Sounds nice, with suits, bow ties, sparkly New Years hats, and streamers to keep up appearances. I was in a blue dress shirt covered by one of my, what I call, “Bill Cosby” sweaters given to my by my Father, blue jeans, and dress shoes. I know how to dress things up! I was on an Earthy it’s just a new day I wanna stay warm and comfortable kinda vibe because I really don’t want to be anywhere right now but I am here keep me warm. Just a bit insecure.

Crawling

As I recall, I had already eaten more: the rest of the broccoli, white corn, chick andouille sausage, and carrots before I left because I was hungry for something else – substance; protein. I like to eat but I can’t put a name to every craving I have. I usually make a sound describing the fullness and shape of what I want to be filled with. The I may see the color and then find a taste or flavor.

Sitting

Sugar is always an option so I hold off on with sugar until I’ve eaten healthy meals in my day. Okay, I try! These days, natural sugar is what I am interested in finding. Apple!

Standing

While at this party, I was alone, trying not to follow The Songstress everywhere and reintroduce myself to people I met before. Meeting new people and being in large crowds is always difficult for me. At 6’3” I feel like all eyes are on me, I don’t want to offend anyone, or sound stupid, and if there were a gun in the room I’d be the last one to hit the floor – but oh can I play dead so well!

Crawling

So, after a small glass of champagne, first drink of the New Year! I found cheese and Ritz crackers. LOVE cheese and crackers! Especially Brie. At this cheese table was Yellow Tail Merlot. How convenient. I poured half a glass, got a bottle of water, along with more cheese and crackers! Walked around a bit. Still feeling alone. A sip of wine – done! Certainly, didn’t need it. The choice had been made before I poured the glass, “This was to be a glass for show.” I had water and cheese and crackers; the water was all I needed. Cheese and crackers (and the wine) were to fill the void, the loss of connection – warm gooey feeling that’s satisfying to the taste. Sometimes being in a crowd reminds me of how alone I actually feel and I don’t embrace that with confidence. You would never know unless I wrote a blog about or something.

Walking

On a covert mission, I placed the half empty wine glass on a table in another room so I could carry the water and secretly finish the crackers. Crumbs were on my face and I didn’t want to stare in the mirror at myself appearing vain, nor did I want to be in the crowd with crumbs on my face – I was spinning trying to escape while wiping my nose. Was it a booger?!

Crawling

“Find a corner.”

Jumping

“Food!” I picked up two small plates of chicken and vegetable lasagna, which led to a corn tortilla and chicken, which led to two surprisingly spicy fudge bars (1” x 1/2”), 6 squares of Nestle Espresso chocolate, and the most delicious pecan cake melt in your mouth I have to go now and it’s ok I don’t remember or know your name but you are trouble.

Sitting

In the car at 12:54AM January 1^st. I wasn’t upset with myself, I allowed myself to have a celebration. I would feel it later. My fast was about self-discipline, clarity, and awareness of my habits, not a punishment. It was easier to have the conversation with myself as to why I was craving certain things which developed into understanding patterns throughout my life.

Suddenly, I remembered that there was two other parties I was invited to attend by “Godess with Us” and “Blue Shadow.” Two people with similar short-term goals that I have begun to build a closer connection to.

Lean Forward

Flying

A Journey to Know Thy Self: HOME to B.A.S.E. pt2

T from Sitting to Crawling

Traveling back to my car I noticed a lifeguard shack next to the shore. it was surround by fo as well, and stood next to the “great big light,” perhaps it symbolized my shed; a small retreat within the mind that served as a look out point?

Receding back into the fog, unable to see, I had lost my sense of direction, but trusted that I was walking in the direction of my car. I remembered the trash cans and used them as guides hoping that I would see the original path I took. With every step I was discovering something new.
At times I would look back at the Ferris Wheel, see the light and hear the screams. All a reminder; HOME is there.

For a minute, part of me wondered if the beach patrol would come and rescue me because this was making me anxious. I couldn’t tell if someone was ten feet away from me I wanted to cry out “some body help, I’m lost!”  I kept Walking.

Finally! Something looked familiar, and I stopped and noticed it was another hand ring set, farther past the bench I had dinner at! Eureka!

Isn’t this  how life is? The journey sometimes seems exhausting and you get aggravated because you can’t find your way. But if you just keep going, Lean Forward through all the obstacles, you get stronger. What was once a painful experience is now something you laugh at because the wisdom you now have tells you, “I am enough. I can handle this.”

Going HOME afforded me to go those few extra steps with faith. I will certainly check in more often. Thankful for the process of the past year.

From this experience, the rest of my night was magical.

Lean Forward

You Are a Source of Light

5 Dear Me,

Does the fear of falling ever cease?

There  are “great” people who have failed because of mistakes they have made. Strength and wisdom are gained when mistakes are acknowledged and you Lean Forward. Failure is a stepping stone. Learn how to use it.

Taking responsibility can be painful, but treat it as an exercise. During this process of growth, talk to yourself with love, understanding, and respect. You are a work of art in process. Sober up and “wipe the dust from your feet.”

Do your self a favor and make some time for your self. Just you.

Sit (Rest)

Breathe. Take a moment to connect to your breath. Close your eyes and inhale through your nose and exhale. Imagine the base of your skull and notice its carriage by the top of your spine. Allow your spine more space by lengthening from the crown of your head and broaden through your shoulders with each breath. Engage your abdomen to protect your lower back. Take notice of any places you are holding tension and release it with your breath.

From the base of your skull follow the architecture of your spine toward your coccyx (tailbone), vertebrae by vertebrae. Imagine a warm glowing light surrounding and filling your spine beaming out of the crown of your head as you continue to lengthen out from your coccyx. With length and space given to your spine, more light is focused through the crown of your head connecting to the heavens.

Notice the temperature of your lower extremities. Keeping in mind the warm glowing light of your spine, investigate your pelvic girdle; follow down your leg bones to the knees; through the shins to your ankles; and through your feet to the tips of your toes. From here you take the stage in your world. The soles of your feet are getting warmer and there are vines of warm light growing beneath and through the pads of your feet, wrapping around your bones towards your coccyx until they connect to your spine at the point between your shoulder blades. From this point continue the growth of the vine under and around your shoulder blades, over the shoulder bones, down through the upper-arm to your elbows, to your forearms, to your wrists, and through your hands to the tips of your fingers. Notice the weight of the energy in your hands. From here you shape and direct your world. Starting again back at the point between your shoulder blades, continue the vine of  warm light up and around your skull so that it meets at your jaw bone. Inhale and exhale with a relaxed tongue and jaw on a “Hummm.” Repeat this and let the vibration move throughout your body and energize you. Let the vibration release any tension or negative thoughts you may have; shake off the dust. Through vibration, bring your self into alignment. Clearly see yourself moving through your day with alignment and clarity.

Shine through the rubble. copyright 2010 Toussaint JeanLouis, Feldstaerke International 2010

You are a source of light. Ask yourself: “How would you like to shine?”

In response to this question, inhale and exhale with sound on “Humm-maaaa.” Let the “mmmm” be your craving for the taste of peace and amplification that will send you through your day so that when you arrive at your destination it will be with an “Ahhh”. From your mouth, the music of your script is heard. What tune are you singing?

Release confidently into your day knowing that you have the foundation to support you.

Begin this very moment.
Remember You. Believe in You. See You. Love You.
Lean Forward

A Journey to Know Thy Self: HOME to B.A.S.E.

T What a wonderful book end and opening to this day. Happy New Year!

Yesterday evening I donated clothes and food, collected during the last workshop Bringing Text to Action, to The Los Angeles Mission, and then as planned, drove to Santa Monica beach to have dinner with my self and celebrate the end of my six days of fasting. 

It was later than I wanted to leave the city and I had missed the sunset. I hit the fog on the I-10, which was nerve-racking due to the people speeding and swerving; it was only 5:30pm. I almost called it quits, but I woke up with this plan in mind and was determined to see it through. Eventually, I made it to the beach and found a great parking spot that was free!

The dinner I prepared was tightly packed in my childhood boy scout knapsack. I imagine now that I looked like a grown man about to go explore the unknown. If I had remembered that my recently purchased flashlight was in the trunk of my car, I might have gotten it, but I found a nice bench and sat in peace and quiet, thankful for the food I was about to eat. Brown rice, steamed broccoli, carrots, white corn, with butter, salt, pepper, with 2 sliced links of Trader Joe’s Chicken Andouille sausages mixed in. An Apple for dessert.

I couldn’t see much further in front of me than 10 feet in diameter. Trekking through the fog and sand I began to make my way toward the water just to see it. The sound was overwhelming and calling me to it.

It took a while to get there. Along the way I discovered a little boy hanging upside down on a pull-up bar. I was trying to take a picture of the palm trees in the fog with my camera phone – no luck. The woman, not a little boy, then asked me to take a photo of her by the palm trees. I replied, “Do you have a camera [because my camera is not so good]?” She first replied, “You have it!” and then realized I was not “Sergio” as had I realized that she was not a little boy but the mother of the little girl with headphones on singing happily out of tune. Amusing. We couldn’t see each other clearly and yet we were close.

I continued further, towards the shore and discovered a row of hanging hand rings. I thought this was an interesting sign, perhaps to build strength for the obstacles that are to come; have fun so that you can endure the journey; and remember your past so that you know how you arrived to this point of happiness.

Leaning

I saw a trash can that read “Glass in Trash, Toes in Sand.” I thought “Leave your Fragile self behind, all that would break do not take with you.” It also reminded me of a sermon a pastor gave about walking through Heaven’s door. “Leave your baggage behind. You can not enter with it. The door is narrow.” Precious. I could hear the waves cleaning shore.

Leaning

I began to walk toward the bright light of the Ferris Wheel.

Standing still, screams from children on the roller coaster were heard and the sound of the waves grew louder. Was this some sort of competition? I was frightened. I called my friend for comfort, but also to share this amazing experience immediately. I questioned whether I had ruined this moment by making the phone call, but I just stayed there. Laughing and Jumping about like a five-year-old dodging the icy waters. Eventually, holding the phone became too much. I ended the call and took it all in.

Kneeling

I was inspired with awe. I had been called to this beach all day long. Thankful I did not turn around. The waves were crashing but all that could be seen was the water coming upon the shore. It was a half-moon and that made me think, “Would it be whole in a year?”

Walking

I was attracted to the light of the ferris wheel. It was blinking different colors, patterns, it was mesmerizing. I wondered if this was “the light” I should be walking toward. It seemed comfortable and familiar. Childhood innocence arose. “Am I to be walking away from my childhood and into unknown territories of adulthood?”

All of these questions. “Did I just check into my HOME? My core? Essence? Is this at the heart of me, and does that mean that every thing outside and away from it is an acquired extension? How do I know? What do I know?”

Sitting ”Know Thy Self.”

This was only the beginning of my night.

continued…Lean Forward