Into The Rabbit Hole


Flying in…

Bringing a smile to my face was the memory of the Ferris Wheel. So, in my conversations with myself about heading to this party, I argued “There’s just going to be more debauchery and temptation. Why put your self in another “Christmas Cookie” situation!?


Friday December 30th, 2011
I had a drum lesson and was early. Warming up in the hallway, kneeling with my drum pad resting over the mouth of the trash can outside of the door in the hallway, “Top Stomp,” my beautiful private lesson teacher invited me in. She was in a recording session with “The Man with The Tin” so, with twenty minutes till my lesson, I sat behind them at a drum set in the room. New person in a space I’m familiar with between “Top Stomp” and myself; these are tight quarters. “Who dominates or has more claim…?” Really? Was I thinking this? All of a sudden he offered me a “Christmas Cookie” in a tin. Caught up with my own thoughts I accept the tin. “Oh boy! A Cookie!” I take my first bite and as it is melting in my mouth and I’m looking at the milk chocolate Hershey’s kisses placed in the center I remember “I’M FASTING! How could I do this to my self?!”

Jumping Flying Running Sitting Crawling Flying Standing Sitting Falling –

Quietly I decide whether to spit it out or finish what I started. “Impolite and weird to spit it out, where would I spit it out behind a drum set in a closed room while someone is recording I’m in the corner! Heelll-” Intertesting to think all of these thoughts are recorded but will never be heard.


I swallow. Then comes the BIG decision: “What do I do with this gorgeous, bitten into, un-returnable cookie? No napkin, no container, certainly not my pocket.


This is why I held the tin for so long before picking the cookie up – I said “This is the last cookie, you sure?” Sign!?!

Lying Down

I ate it – Hershey’s kiss first. “Suga Suga Suga Suga Rocking Everywhea! Suga Suga Suga Suga Rocking Everywhea! Rockin Everywhea I found you Christmas Cooookie, Pick you up and throw you on to da street.”

All week long! Temptatation. I was worried about my process through this drum lesson. I was falling and I had to catch my self. That cookie was on my mind and in my body. I wanted to call The Man with The Tin out his name, “Thanks Tin Man!” All I could think about was, “What is this cookie going to do to my body? I haven’t had processed sugar or anything all week.”


After three hours of contemplation and prayer, I forgave my self. I acknowledged how easy it is to forget or lose sight of my intentions in the presence of others, especially those who are kind – enough to offer me sugar. “smh.” I asked myself what can I buy to remind me of my intentions, of God, my purpose in life? Would a white bracelet do, a tattoo on my finger, a ring?


I laughed because that is exactly what I am working against with HOME B.A.S.E. There is nothing outside of me that can heal me, fix my pain, or make me comfortable with me. I choose not to fake it because when you do encounter someone sincere, the connection is dropped, missed, and it is the very thing I ask for and seek – to be connected. I have learned and felt a strong connection to my spirit, soul, and the universe when I pray, meditate, write, or love unconditionally (definitely a vinyasa). Besides, I am a collector; I do not scavenge.


Years ago, I found two beautiful rocks who I call Erma Jean and Peter. These rocks have been with me since I was a teenager and represent my maternal grandmother and my paternal grandfather who both passed. These rocks will never fade or break. While on the beach I found a shell that I picked up. It wasn’t until later that I thought “Why don’t I make a necklace with the three of them?” My Pearls. The Power is within Me, not some fancy gimmick of the year that leaves me unhappy and wanting more sugar.

Flying again

So it was a challenge to my self – not thinking about dodging the cops. Although I had downed a bottle and a half of water and ate all that food!, I’m not a great scientist or mathematician about alcohol levels and period of time between the last drink, nor did I want to be hit by any of the crazy drivers who were swerving behind and around me. Hmm, I forgot to mention DWC or DWB at 1AM. No gooders.


Half a glass of champagne a n d a bi t ter si p ov wine…? DWC on NYD at 1AM.

Tip-Toe….c r a w ling

I made it safely to “Goddess with Us’s” house. Found a great parking spot right across the street. I knew it was somewhat crazy because there was a bouncer and an ID door man in front. But, at least we were safe. Right? “No underage drinking here, Thank you.”

And, I’m in!


From the gate towards the side entrance, which I had never been through before, Moe, Larry, and Curly were stumbling on their decisions preventing me from a clear path down what seemed like a disco rabbit hole foaming with slurred and scratched music. Perhaps comparable to a bad mashup of Dubstep and Chopped and Screwed. The Three Stooges
“I’m nautious for you.”


Eventually, Baby Curly released his gas and moved out of the way.


I get to the side of the house and realize I’m in the next line. And, I’m waiting..

Lean Forward



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