Most assuredly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces much grain. – John 12:24
I interpret “reckless” as to have no expectations of another. “I can’t make you love me, if you don’t,” and if “our love comes back in the middle of the night,” it’s my choice to come. And if I don’t, “it isn’t over.”
This liminal space of knowing and not knowing, succumbing to feelings, the best I can do is name what is in front of me without questioning why because it is a blessing. All of the relationships I’ve had or haven’t, I’m stronger for them. I’m closer to saying what I want now and going after it. Even if it is for the moment. I’m able to be vulnerable and risk more knowing that I’ll get through it no matter what.
I don’t always know what’s on the other side of the door, but the possibility is greater with 100% versus 50%. Patience + Perseverance = Endurance (strange mix). Not giving up but giving in and having faith that what is meant to be will be. You know you’re on a roller coaster. Believe that you’re enough. Enjoy the ride.